Sitting still has never been a skill of mine, as I’m sure many of my teachers from my youth could tell you. Now, as I work with Kindergarten and First Grade boys, most of which I’m having to frequently remind to sit down and be still, I’m certainly getting a taste of my own medicine. And while I may have learned how to (almost) stay seated during an hour-long sermon or meeting, too much longer than that, and I still feel the familiar ants in my pants.
I’ve noticed this desire to keep moving doesn’t limit itself to times when I need to be physically still, but also extends into all areas of my life.
In a previous blog post, No Vacancy, I said I was an Enneagram 2w3, (If you have no idea what the Enneagram is, click this, and discover your type for yourself, because self-discovery is fun, am I right?!) but that might not have been exactly accurate. I’m actually a 3w2, meaning I primarily identify as type 3, also known as the Competitive Achiever.
So what does this have to do with stillness, or a lack thereof?
Basically, my desire to seek approval and affirmation through achievement leads me to constantly throw myself into the next project, constantly cross off one item on the to-do list just so I can add another, constantly… constantly… constantly…
Now, if you happened to read the aforementioned blog post, you might be like, yeah, Dalise, we get it, you’re a doer.
But we’re in a new season, so we’re peeling back more layers of the onion baby.
Something I’ve come to realize in this season is that perhaps my desire to hurriedly move on to the next thing is because of my dissatisfaction in present. It’s hard to feel satisfied when you’re anticipating your moment of “arrival.” You know, your “When I’m making enough money, I’ll be content,” or “When I’m married, I’ll be happy.” Whatever it is that means you’ve “made it,” when you have that, you can chill.
Kind of makes you understand how this guy might feel.
Of course, you know in your head that that’s silly – that those things won’t satisfy you, and that those seasons will come with their own troubles. But your heart has traveled these well worn paths of desire many times, and sometimes your head and your heart don’t communicate as much as they should.
So what happens when you pray and ask God about the next thing, and he says,
“Stay where you are.”
Excuse me? Stay where I am. C’mon God. You know me. I mean, you made me. And you know how this works. I ask you what’s next and you tell me, and I go there, sooooo what’s the deal?
“…I am the Lord; Those who hopefully wait for Me will not be put to shame.” Isaiah 49:23
“Cease striving and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10
I sit down to remind myself who it is I’m talking to,
to remind myself who it is I belong to –
I sit in the satisfaction of intimately knowing the one, true God whose presence alone brings peace to the worried what-ifs of my mind.
I’m still a child being taught by my Father. I’m still a daughter learning to be still. But my Father hasn’t left me. My Teacher hasn’t failed me. My Bridegroom is patient with me. He loves me with an everlasting love. And He promises me that waiting on Him will not lead to my shame, but to our VICTORY. I don’t know when that will happen, but I know the timing will be perfect, and the moment – GLORIOUS.
“Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.” Psalm 27:14